Sunday Morning Rides - 15th Edition

Kampung Semaba AGAIN! - Sun 14th September 2008

It was another normal Sunday Morning ride to the neighbouring Kampung Semaba just to make up the miles and keeping ourselves fit for the next big ride, but this time it went all tragic. Firstly, Mark had to make a quick exit in the middle of the ride to… of all things, crap! We wished him well. Then later, as the rest of us were heading home…. Shit happens. I guess Mark's early exit was a sign of the shit that was about to happen. Andrew of all reasons beyond my comprehension, braked hard at the traffic lights resulting in a rather death defying rear wheelie stoppage. Then behold the sucker of all ages, the moron of all morons… I had to slam hard into Andrew from behind. I guess he liked it that way but hey… it happened so fast that the next thing that I remembered was that the both of us were faced down, kissing the asphalt. My left leg was like tangled in the mess. My handle bar was slightly bent and Andrew’s brakes were never gonna brake in that manner anymore, unless he spend a couple of ringgit. We picked ourselves up unaware of the growing numbers of eyes staring down at us, most probably also laughing at us. Checking our bikes, they were still functional and so we rode home.

It was not until I reached home that the pain in my left leg became apparent. I felt like a kid as I told my wife of the incident, flash back of all the bicycle accidents that I was involved in when I was young and the agony of looking at my mothers face when I broke the news to her, time and time again. Hit by a motorcycle on the way home from school, hit by another bike during a organized bicycle race and fell, slipped on sandy road on the way to Cheshire Home and nearly got ran over by a car - I believe God saved me here, got my hands caught in the front wheel of my bike and fell….. and not forgetting all the dog bites that were inherited as you own a bicycle in this part of the world.

Monday came along and everyone at work was like asking why I was limping. I was tempted to tell them of how we had to cross this rather challenging mountain valley on a fallen log spanning between the two mountains but the better of me kept me from going there. For heaven sack, how would you tell someone that you ran into another bicycle from behind? Yip had a field day laughing. It was in pain and Andrew got away with a sprained wrist. Went to the in-house doctor and he bloody gave me some pain killer, lotion to rub off the pain, 2 days of MC and told me to stay off my feet. Sigh…. How do you propose I do that? Duh! Turns out, I had strained my ligament and had to sit out the pain. And the doctor ordered not to do any cycling for the next 2 wks. Bummer!

My wife of 8 years, as I learned over the years…. was a firm believer of Chinese Medicine. So it was apparent what happened next as I got home that evening. What would a western doctor know about muscle problems, she exclaimed? I was eventually dragged to see a Chinese physician. This physician turned out to be a she and so I thought… safe. But she went straight to rub and fumigate me leg with something that resembled an over sized ciggie. I was like, what the heck are you trying to do? Giving me a double dosage of leg cancer and agonizing pain all at once? Then she started burning some paste and with some heavy duty, industrial grade tape, she proceed to stick the paste to me leg. Later she charged me 60 ringgit for the pleasure of causing me pain and forcing me to eat medicine that looks like goat’s poo-poo. Am I stupid or what? I think it was a major rip off.

So here I am today as I vegetate at home sitting out my MC and licking my wounds. Luckily me wife got me a cool gadget to combat the humdrums of boredom city. Tinkering with this GPS contraption, I quickly realized that this device could be fixed onto our mountain bikes as well. Google earth, eat your heart out. We now have the real thing! No more scrappily drawn maps from Nic! Lost no more!

Not to be left out from the Malaysian Political Bandwagon as I vegetate at home, I tend to realize that the Procreation of BN/UMNO and the Malaysian Politics has deteriorated into Recreation for the Malaysian public. Today is 16^th September and it is supposed to be the D-day for Malaysian Politics. The transfer of power from the ruling BN/UMNO to the leadership of Datuk Anwar Ibrahim from opposition party. I am stranded at home and here we have history in the making. Or is it going to happen? But one thing is for sure….

Bukit Bendera Umno Division Chief, Datuk Ahmad Ismail surely has a big nose.... which means he is really a big d---. Seriously, he was suspended by UMNO for 3 years for his remarks that states the Chinese communities are immigrants in the country and are not entitled to equal rights as the Bumiputera. I always thought that I am a Malaysian regardless of race until now. I was born in Malaysia, so were my parents, how is it possible that I am an immigrant? Are these words of a racist or an idiot? You’ll be the judge. How can we have this kind of imbecile leading the nation? How many more are there? Be it in the ruling or opposition party? I raise my case. Cheers!

Sunday Morning Rides - 14th Edition

Destination Annah Rais Hot Springs - Sun 31st August 2008

Thinking back, there is no better word to describe our endeavor on this Independence Day but “Extreme”. We had again challenged ourselves to an even higher level of accomplishment with our Merdeka Ride - Destination Annah Rais Hot Springs. To show our act of patriotism, we sat down after the ride, in a make-shift kopitam by the roadside, mesmerized in watching the Merdeka Parade live on TV and at the same time counting our laurels of the day. This was the toughest ride since the formation of the SMR (Sunday Morning Ride) team and we were all mentally prepared for the eventual torment, but naively forgetting about our physical flabbiness. The amount of time and effort spent by the folks in preparation for this morning’s ride was astounding. Nic spent to a total of…..drum roll pls…. RM5 to get his rear wheels aligned. Just imagine that, I could have easily bought a big bowl of Laska with that kind of money. Yip must have KY gel-ed his squeaky brakes and Andrew bought a lot of kinky fruits and vegetables….bananas and cucumbers lah. Must have left some for the wife to use… ooops…. I meant eat. As for me, I had a pear and 2 packets of Ribena spiked with glucose apart from the usual bottle of diamond water. Mark, my cousin was nowhere to be seen, I guess he is still in China playing with those beautiful China girls with armpit hair. The recent olympics games might have educated them a bit to shave but hey, Mark likes furry animals. The journey started off at 5:50am with a 30min car ride to Kampung Karu.

Here we parked our cars and started relieving ourselves, the first of many occasions. Yes, I am documenting the number of times these buggers took out their willies and contribute however little to welfare of the environment. I am simply fascinated and flabbergasted with the amount of fluids that the human being can expel, even after vigorous sweating and yet still having the urge to pee. The winner of the Golden Shower Awards goes to Mr. Andrew Chai, followed closely behind by Mr. Yip Kai Ung. Frankly, I think u guys have bladder problems. Signs of getting old, folks! I bet when you guys are like 70, the loo would be your second home.

It was a hilly 42km round trip. The SHP (Severe Hill Phobia) syndrome, developed from our previous ride to Kampung Danu (See Sunday Morning Rides 5^th Edition) still haunts most of us. Andrew has no context of this and was unperturbed. He was not a member of SMR then and was still chauffeuring his kids to Sunday school. Now he is free from domestic chores and free to endure the torture that we throw at him.

The Torture, the Challenge, call it whatever you wish, is a hilly road that weaves through mountains and is not for the faint of heart, not even for some of the seasoned mountain bikers. But in this case, the challengers were driven by sheer stupidity, peer pressure and the occasional Singaporean “Kia Su” attitude.

The road to Annah Rais past through the gateway to Borneo Highland Resort. In reaching there, we experienced climatic changes as we ascended deeper into the mountainous region of Puncak Borneo.... until we reached the clouds.

It is as cool as Cameron Highlands. Water droplets quickly condensated on our sunglasses as we cut through clouds. Blurring our vision in this dream like world, we savour the fresh cool air. I reckon that most people of Kuching could hardly imagine that such as place exist and it is just an hrs' drive away from Kuching city.

Occasionally during long rides like this one, we would stop for short rests at strategic locations. This time we simply stopped along the roadside and it was out with the bananas. Andrew took his and Yip did the same.

Andrew stored his cucumbers on his saddle. Could not get it out and had to chew on it. No wonder he was smiling all the way from Kampung Karu. Bloody hell…. and we thought he was just happy.

Finally we arrived at the gateway to Borneo Highland Resort. It was bustling with people trying to hitch a ride up the mountain to the resort. Later we learned that it was the last day for the “Colours of Nature” exhibition. It was a floral exhibition up at the resort and the friendly guard told us that Dr. Mahathir would be coming in his helicopter later in the day. Ya Rite! So the “Sua Ku” people of Kuching were easily swayed to join in.

In the spirit of “Kia Su”, we soldiered on to Annah Rais, attracted by the hot springs that we could find out there. I would be damn surprised if it turned out to be anything like in Rotorua, NZ. I guess a mud patch with some bubbles would do for Kuching people to be amazed.

About four kilometers and one huge hill down the road, we discovered hills upon hills of vegetation, desecrated by open burning. Deforestation at our own backyard and year upon year during the dry season, we thought the haze was from Kalimantan. Andrew did his best to save the environment and tried to put out the fire with his willy. Go Andrew go…. pressure man… eh, how come still nothing lae?

We waved a passing motorcyclist down to ask for direction but only to find that the freaking road leads to Tebedok, a border town to the neighbouring country of Indonesian. Somewhere down the gravel road, somebody forgot to make a bloody turn. Fingers started pointing, mouths started swearing and Stephen Covey’s habits? What habits? Even Zinger Miller would flip in his grave if he was dead. Blame Nic, he was supposed to be the Iban guide. Basically, the rest of us were FBI. Think about this acronym for a while. Let me know if u need help.

It was already way, way past 9 o’clock and the curfew our wives imposed on us immediately came into effect. Suddenly we were but transformed from the SMRC (Sunday Morning Rides Club) to the KKBC (Kuching Kia Bo Club). Time to turn back regardless, Hot Spring or no Hot Spring. Screaming past the now congested gateway to the Borneo Highland Resort, we retraced our route back to Kampung Karu to collect our other more reliable form of transportation. But not before stopping by the roadside kopitam for our dose of patriotism.

I ended up with a leg cramp and a vow to come back as we failed to reach our intended destination. As Yip put it, the failure to reach our destination this time, is an incentive for us to come back to ride in this area next time.